The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
