Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Randomize
