bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
