I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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