come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
