Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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