he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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