First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
