If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Drunk is not a location!
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
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