So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
