i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
