I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
