Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
