i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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