i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
