We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Randomize
