i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
