And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
