So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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