on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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