He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
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