remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
