your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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