Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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