When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
