I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Randomize
