Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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