All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
