I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
