It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
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