You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
