Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
