sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
