I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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