if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
this boner is exhausting
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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