I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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