oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I could make wine with my vomit
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
