I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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