my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
