i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
