last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Randomize
