we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
