there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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