i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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