I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
