I'm laying in your front yard are you home
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
