I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Randomize
