O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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