The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
