i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
His nipple licking is glorious
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